Aunty vs Aunty.com: The Evolution of the Arranged Marriage
Over the last decade, the traditional overweight, sari clad matchmaker has been replaced by a new form of marriage arranger- the internet.
The Asian arranged marriage has been continually criticised by westerners ever since our grandparents or parents moved to this country, not to mention our own internal criticisms of it. However, in the world of gigabytes, jpegs and modems, history is taking a sharp turn on itself and remordernising what is arguably our oldest tradition.
These arranged marriages were decided by the parents, depending on the class, caste, wealth and honour of the household of the prospect in law. If there was an agreement between both sets of parents, the next consultation would be with the priest, who would view the horoscopes to certify a match. It has been reported on many an occasion, that if a couple was mismatched and doomed to an ill-fated marriage, another generous donation could sway the stars a little after a second reading.
These ideologies have been clouded with judgement from those outside the cultures and after three decades of living and becoming an integral part of multicultural Britain continue to bear the same stereotypical views as they did almost half a century ago. Many a time I have had my white or black friends or colleagues ask me, “You don’t have to have one of them arranged marriages do you?”
Well around a decade after the traditional arranged marriage has become scarcer and scarcer, the development of technology has in fact led to the development of the British Asian mating habits. Instead of go through what can ‘sometimes’ be an awkward and even embarrassing experience of having to date your Aunty’s mother’s brother’s cousins’ father in law’s granddaughter’s cousin, the matchmaker is now accessible any time, anywhere. All that needs to be done is register onto one of the matrimonial websites and you can get clicking.
Put in your profile, select what kind of a partner you are looking for and you can search the database of guys/girls around the world or you can get updates emailed to about who is your perfect match or who would like to get to now you.
One thing which stood out to me is that meeting partners through these Asian web sites is what is commonly known as the new arranged marriage, but when other communities do pretty much the same thing, it is classed as internet dating. Why the difference?
Perhaps the difference lies behind the fact that the entire point of internet dating is to get to know a person purely for who they are regardless of looks and other petty attractions, such as caste, complexion, or the disabilities they may have been born with. Having viewed one of these sites, I was astonished to find that applicants were questioned on which of the six categories they felt their skin tone fit into, and on disabilities. They were questioned on whether they had physical abnormalities affecting only looks, physical abnormalities affecting bodily functions, or were physically challenge from birth or accident and mentally challenged from birth or accident. This physical interrogation somewhat defies the purpose of getting to know some one for their personality.
The sites do boast of high figures of success stories shaadi.com being 500,000+ but what needs to be taken very carefully into consideration is that while people can be misleading and deceitful to your face this is much easier to be done on the other side on the country/world behind a computer screen. Also although there may be many statistics showing high numbers of people getting married after they have met on the internet, but where do you see the divorce rates? Who will plaster them up on the internet?
Either way, although any form of internet dating or marriage arranging has its flaws and its dangers, it certainly makes it easier for those who are looking for marriage partners. And if has helped however many other people find their life partners, there is no way it can be ruled out as a means to meeting potentials. It just goes to show, although plenty of our other traditions are as old as the prehistoric ages, it doesn’t mean everything has to be.